September is National Suicide Month and I am here to share with you my own personal story of abuse, because it is one of the many reasons why someone may decided to end their own life.
Abuse is very real too many times people in general tries to hide the signs of being abuse. As a child I was sexual abuse my a grandfather who was living with us (my father’s father) at the time I was seven years old. Thank the Lord that my mother walked in while he was abusing my older sister. He went to trial and was put in jail where in died. As a little girl I had lawyers try to blame me and my sister for the abuse. (Remember we where little girls) Once my mother had died when I was fifteen from cancer and then my father sexual abuse me, this time there was no one to save me this time. After what had happen to me I took every medications that was in my house for cancer, and I prayed that the Lord would take me home, God had other plans for my life.
In 1985 I had met Kelvin and after seven years of dating that in 1992 we married. I truly thought I married a man that loved me the way that I loved him that he would always protect me. I have been married to a narcissist. A man who had abuse me over and over again as well as a man who tried to even kill me. Three times I had a protection order against my husband and this final time I filed for divorce, I had enough. Over these last many months I have come to find out that the man I loved for so many years was trying to kill our daughter Victoria who is chronically ill and adrenal cancer. We have found out that he was putting poison in her food and most likely drinks, to try to kill her. I also found out that he sexual abuse our daughter, a lot that I have been dealing with.
Woman need to understand that even thro you were married even in a church where God is your witness and others he doesn’t want any man to abuse his wife. Too many times other Christians tells a woman the man is the head of the house, I say I am not above or below him we were to walk hand in hand in life. There are many times that even when a woman has a protection order the husband comes back and kills the wife. My husband came back but this time I have cameras and caught him on my property. I tried many times to make my marriage work, four years ago and in court he promise the judge that we would go through counseling. However, that was short lived, I have come to find out that my husband is into porn, he is an alcoholic and into drugs and more than one identity. I thought I knew this man and I did not, I was his wife for thirty years.
I went to a Pastor ten years ago for counseling and he convince me of staying with this man who was abusing me, and my church at the time hid me and my children at the church. My son who lives in another state is just like his father I am sorry to say. Anytime that someone comes to you and say that they are being abuse, I beg you to listen, if possible help them to get away. A lot of times the wife who is being abuse is killed by her husband or that fact that she cannot take this pain any longer and decided to take her own life. I am here to say that this pain is real. What has help me mostly is having a close relationship with the Lord. I still have many days and nights that all I do is cry and when I don’t know what to say the Holy Spirit speaks on my behalf. I know that Christ walks with me and gives me the strength to deal with all of this.
As a Christian woman myself, who preaches as well as doing work as a Chaplain I will never allow anyone to treat me this way. Jesus tells us to love our neighbors which includes your wife, sister or anyone. Also don’t tell another what you think (I mean what you think) that God told you that she should submit to her husband that is wrong. In closing I will say you don’t walk in this journey alone Christ walks with you.
NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE NUMBER IS 988 PLEASE REACH OUT IF YOU NEED TO, REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE.