What I Learned from Inability to Accept Help (Guess Blogger)

My name is Rebekah Lynn, and as a Woman of God and a single mother of three, my life revolves around serving God and my family. But it wasn’t always this way, my life and my story is far from perfect…but by the Grace of God, I have overcome many obstacles in my life that could have completely destroyed me.  I am normally a very private person, and I don’t usually like to share a lot. But as a saved woman, and a disciple of Christ I realized that my life is not about me. And once you have come to learn the truth about what Jesus has done for us, you have to share it. So that’s what I’m doing…I’m sharing His love and the transformational work He has done and will continually do in me.

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One day I ordered an Uber when I had my double stroller with me. After putting my children in the car I then head towards the trunk. I start to fold it up to put it inside of the trunk when the Uber driver comes over and asks me if I’d like his help. I politely tell him “No thank you, I’ve got it!”. Another day I’m about to walk into my grandmother’s house carrying my baby in his car seat, his diaper bag, my purse and a bag of food. My father who was already outside asked to help me, and I replied: “No thank you, I’ve got it!”. No matter if I am at the grocery store, laundry mat, in my home, or even someone offering to hold the door open for me I always reply, “No thank you, I’ve got it!”

An inability to accept help

Well one day after refusing to accept help, it dawned on me that this indeed was exactly what I was doing, refusing to accept help. Especially from men. I began to wonder why. What is wrong with me? Do I think I’m too good for the help? No, not at all. Am I even realizing at that moment that someone is offering to make things a little easier for me? No, I don’t think I do. So as I sat in deep thought, I realized I had many reasons for doing such things but I’ll only name 3:

#1

I am a single mother and I have been for almost 9 years now. I literally do everything myself. Late nights, early mornings, doctor’s appointments, parent/teachers conferences, sports, EVERYTHING. I do it all.

#2

I was raised by a single mother. My grandmothers are single mothers, although they the have all been married after the divorce they became single mothers. My aunts, cousins, all my major influences of womanhood and motherhood have been from single mothers. The strong black woman.

#3

I am not very trusting of people, especially men. Because of life experiences, I tend to believe people always have a hidden agenda. Some men think that a single woman with children must be damaged, insecure, or weak. And out of protection for myself and my children, I naturally have a guard up against men.

For example, I lived in Texas for a year by myself with no male family members around. I couldn’t go to the grocery store or even church without some male thinking I needed their assistance. One time a man at this church I had been to a few times and was considering joining offered to give me rides to places because he had noticed I didn’t have a car at the time. He insisted I needed help getting to stores for my children’s necessities and “maybe one day you’ll invite me over for dinner”. Of course, I declined, I also told his Pastor on him and never returned to that church

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Accepting healing

After analyzing these reasons, I began to recognize God was revealing things that needed to be healed. Although I don’t feel there is anything wrong with being a strong independent woman. Or a strong independent black woman for that matter, I do not want to be unable to accept help.  No one wants to block their own blessings. Not only that but I will be married one day and I do not want to carry that type of baggage into a marriage. Yes, I said baggage because for me it would be. It is a biblical truth that the woman is the helpmate, but a husband is a wife’s security and support. How would I be emotionally available to accept that level of support if I cannot accept the small, noncommittal instances right now?

God was also and most importantly revealing to me my level of trust and submission to Him. Now, of course, being a saved woman I know that I am nothing without GOD and I need Him every single day. But if I think I can handle everything by myself, when do I need God? Where do my faith and complete trust in Him come in? God desires for us to not only realize we need him for everything but for us to act like we know! And He WANTS us to need him for EVERYTHING. I can’t live a life completely dependent on God if I am still trying to be the one in control.

Surrendering control

So I began pouring out my heart before Him, being completely vulnerable and surrendered. I laid all the things I TRY to control at his feet, my insecurities, and worries and even wrote each one out on a piece of paper. This was an exercise I read about that truly helped me.Then I laid them out one by one before Him while praying on my knees. I want to be fully surrendered to God, I AM sold out! I want His will to be done in my life not my own. And to be an empty vessel for Him to use however He may choose. I cannot be empty by holding on to control. And that includes accepting the help He provides no matter how it comes. Trusting that he will not leave me to figure it out on my own (Joshua 1:9) and to give me the discernment to test the true intentions of the person offering. (Proverbs 18:15)

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Healing is a process

I know it will be a process but as soon as I accepted the healing God offered, it already began. It will be exciting to see the changes, and the growth as I continually become the woman of God He wants me to be. I’ve been learning that accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness but actually a sign of strength. Being able to realize you can’t do it on your own and submitting that control to God is key to our trust in Him. And recognizing that blessings come in many forms no matter how “small” they may seem. I want to be grateful at all times for all things God has done for me, even in the hard times.

So I hope you all will keep me in your prayers as I continue this lifetime journey of being like Christ. And I will continue to pray for you. I Pray we all continue to grow into the people God called us to be, and living our best lives! God bless!

Thank you so much Rebekah Lynn for your post, you can find more about Rebekah Lynn and her writings at  xorebekahlynn.com

 

 

12 Ways to Reconnect With Your Erring Spouse (Guess Blogger)

Good Morning, I would like to introduce to you Sarah:

My name is Sarah Ishaku. I set up this blog purposely to provide helpful advice and resources for women who are desiring to build strong marriage relationships. After being married for close to 3 decades, I can testify that a strong marriage relationship not just happen; it takes a woman who draws her strength from Christ to build it.

https://www.thewomanworth.com/12-ways-to-reconnect-with-your-erring-spouse/

Are you almost giving up on your spouse? Do you wish you would have known his person before answering yes I do? Maybe you have already labelled your marriage as a failure because you think your spouse can never change. Perhaps you have made all effort to make him behave as you expect but your effort is not making any impact on him. I understand how unresponsive emotions can be in such kind of a relationship. It can be frustrating trying to connect with someone whose attitude irritates you.
We all cherish a relationship where a partner does what you want, but in most cases, we do not get it our own way. What do we do when the situation is not as we expected; should we refrain from the relationship? I don’t think so, there must be a way out, and that is what I want to share with you in this post.
So, this is the way out:
A. Facts You need to know about a man.

photo-nic-co-uk-nic-224385-unsplash-700x4671. Know that a man hates to be confronted by his wife.
Your spouse may be doing the wrong thing but he wouldn’t like you to challenge him. He already knows and doesn’t want you to confirm it for him. He would try to be on the defensive side so that you do not intimidate him.
2. Know that too much of complaining makes a man hardened.

When you complain a lot about his attitude, he may want to indulge in it more, to prove to you that he cannot be intimidated by your actions. So he would want to prove that he is a man.
3 Know that men tend to ignore the problem in a marriage.
A man would prefer to be somewhere to find comfort than face the problem in his marriage. He would rather dodge the problem than stand and face it. Check it, how many men go for marriage counselling on their own without their wives pushing them?
A man will always show that he is in charge of the affairs of the family.
No matter your effort to make things work for the family, a man would not want you to take the glory. He wants you to accredit it to him. Failure to do that amounts to a conflict of interest which may push him farther away from you.

A man tends to focus more on work, money, and sports.
A man cherishes his work, money and sports. Usually these three things may take his attention off from you at a point in time. If you try to force yourself on him ahead of those three things it may result in disagreement, and he may accuse you of being dominant.
B. Ways you can Make Positive Change on Your Spouse.

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Accept the fact that every human being has limitation.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.Rom.3:23 If we claim we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not us.1 John1:8 When you understand that we all have limitations, you would not easily judge your spouse’s failures. You would appreciate the fact that you are likely to make mistakes also. We are only declared righteous by what Christ did for us; it is not our own effort. Instead of judging your spouse, pray for him.
Instead of dwelling on his negative side, dwell more on his positive side.
No matter how bad a person is, he must have his good side. So, appreciate his good qualities and ask God for wisdom to help him overcome the negative side.
Don’t just complain about everything.

Instead of complaining about everything out of annoyance, let him know clearly the attitude in him that irritates you. While you do that, you must do it with respect. Approach him in the right way and at the right time. For example, if your husband drinks, don’t wait until he is drunk before you complain about it. Instead, talk to him when he is calm, and in a good mood, and respectfully tell him about the effects of his attitude on your married relationship.
4. Have confidence in your spouse
Let your husband know you believe in him. Don’t relegate him to a low status simply because he is failing in some of his responsibilities. No matter the shortcoming of a man, he wants his wife to believe in his capabilities.
5. Accept him.
Accept your spouse for who he is without conditions. If you fail to accept him, he would always go to where he feels relevant. We all want to be accepted by the people around us, every person wants to be relevant.
6. Allow Christ to have control over your life.
Learn to depend on Jesus in everything you do, and stop depending on your emotions. Jesus is the prince of peace; if you remain in him, you would enjoy his peace that surpasses the one you expect from your husband.
7. Take prayer seriously.
Be a woman of prayer; never relent in your prayers. Take time to pray for yourself, and your spouse. By this, God will make His grace available to you, and you will be surprised how great an impact you would make in the life of your spouse. The changes may not be automatic, but gradually they will manifest.
Above all, no matter how you feel, always remember that God loves you, and He means well for you. Imagine God giving His only begotten Son to die in your place so that in him you might have a life. If God can do that for you, what else would He deny you? Surely, He will grant you peace and a loving relationship with your spouse.
Remain blessed.

 

Living with Purpose

Proverbs 19.pngListen to advice and accept discipline and at the end you will be counted among the wise. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. What a person desires is unfailing love better to be poor than a liar. The fear of the Lord leads to life, that one rests content, untouched by trouble.             Proverbs 19:20-23

Living on purpose is the only way to really live, everything else is just existing. Most people struggle with different issues one is who am I, do I truly matter, and why was I born for and what is my purpose is. One way to find the answer of your question is to seek God out, spend time with him through his words and in prayer and believe when he is ready he will tell you what your purpose is here on earth. Once you know what God wants you to do, the blessings comes in actually doing it. Our life purpose is to worship Christ with our whole heart, serve him with our shape, fellowship with his family, grow like him in character, and fulfill his mission in the world so he receives glory. My life purpose is to be a member of Christ’s family, a model of his character, a minister of his grace, a messenger of his word, and a magnifier of his glory. My life purpose is to love Christ, grow in Christ, share Christ, and serve Christ through his church. and to lead my family and others to do the same. In other words Jesus tells us in the book of Matthew 28:19-20 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Jesus has commission all of his disciples including you and me, to share his love with others, to walk humbly with our God. To make disciples for his kingdom, my friend we as Christians are all expected to do this how you may ask, by sharing your faith with someone today it is that simply.  We all need to continue to become the hands and feet of Christ while we still live here on earth, when others sees us they truly see the “Great I Am” through all of us and in this way they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

Grace and Peace to You My Friends

You Belong to God

Ephesians 2b.pngConsequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.

Ephesians 2:19-22

You are called to belong, not just believe. When we read in the book of Genesis it is not good for man to be alone. We are created for community, fashioned for fellowship, and formed for a family, and none of us can fulfill God’s purpose by ourselves. The Bible knows nothing of solitary saints or spiritual hermits isolated from other believers and deprived of fellowship. The Bible says we are put together, joined together, and held together, members together, heirs together, fitted together, and held together and will be caught up  together. You are not on your own anymore. While your relationship to Christ is personal, God never intends it to be private. In God’s family you are connected to every other believer, and we will belong to each other for eternity. I am sure there are many of you out there longing to be a part of a family, having your own family, and without you even knowing that once you accept Christ into your heart you have been connected to the rest of his family. Following Christ includes belonging, not just believing. We are members of his Body–the church. C.S. Lewis noted that the word membership is of Christian origin, but the world has emptied it of its original meaning. Stores offer discounts to “members” and advertisers use member names to create mailing list. In churches, membership is often reduced to simply adding your name to a roll, with no requirements or expectations. To Paul, being a “member” of the church meant being a vital organ of a living body, an indispensable, interconnected part of the Body of Christ. We need to recover and practice the biblical meaning of membership. The church is a body, not a building, an organization. Whenever a child is born, he or she automatically becomes a part of the universal family of human beings. But that child also needs to become a member of a specific family to receive nurture and care and grow up healthy and strong. The same is true spiritually. When you become born again, which means flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. (John3:5) you need to become a member of a local expression of God’s family the church, his church. The Christian life is more than just commitment to Christ, it includes a commitment to other Christians. The Christians in Macedonia understood this, Paul tells us, “First they gave themselves to the Lord, and then, by God’s will they gave themselves to us as well. Joining the membership of a local church is the natural next step once you’ve become a child of God. You become a Christian by committing yourselves to Christ, but you become a church member by committing yourselves to a specific group of believers. And believe me being a part of a church, the family of true believers makes our journey in life a little easier to bear with that family and with God.

 

Grace and Peace to You My Friends.