I Like to introduce to all of you Jennifer Wagner: Today, I am a stay at home wife, dividing my time between taking care of our home, directing church outreach, and blogging about life lessons, joyful living, and Christian values. When I’m not writing, I am typically curled up with my husband, binge watching Netflix, drinking caramel coffee, or snuggling our two cats, Basil and Mocha Rose! Welcome to our married life! We’re so glad you have chosen to join us as we laugh and cry together in this amazing life adventure!
After the loss of our sweet babies in April, J and I were hopeful to try again. After just a few months, we were excited that our dream may be coming true. The cravings and mood swings were in full force. I was sleepy, nauseous, hungry, hormonal, bloated, and I had to pee about every two hours. It seemed like a wonderfully miserable time.
And then the bleeding started. We were bummed, but thought we’d just wait another month… Until the night I called J into the bathroom. The pain, blood, and contractions were clear. We had also lost this sweet baby. The loss of this child was such a shock. After all, we weren’t quite sure yet if I was even pregnant.
This baby was supposed to be our rainbow baby, but yet we’ve collected another jewel in Heaven. Lucy Grace, Arden Micah, and Orion Sage. Three….. three babies in Heaven. Our little family.
It’s been just over a week since the loss of our child. The raw emptiness still takes my breath away, as I sob and gasp for air. J still holds me as I drift off into space, not really knowing what to do with myself. Getting out of bed, eating, and connecting with people have become chores in and of themselves. J and I go through the motions. We laugh and talk, work and visit, but inside we both feel numb, empty… like something crucial is missing. We’ve lost our joy. We’ve lost our confidence and security. We’ve lost the excitement of trying to have a family.
Our first miscarriage four months ago broke our hearts. This time, it carries fear and doubt, alongside the pain and shock. Do we dare try again? How can we continue to hope, after this?
After a rough week of falling away from each other in our grief, it became clear that now more than ever, we need to lean on our Savior and each other… And so we talked. We held each other, as poured our hearts out to the Lord and to each other. We named our child, Lucy Grace. We went on a spontaneous date. We came together and asked the Lord for help. It’s still fresh and raw. I still don’t know what to do with myself. I still fell numb and broken and empty and vulnerable. I still break out in sobbing tears. My hormones and baby belly are still reminders of what was. But through it all, the Lord is putting us back together again…
15 Scriptures to lean on after miscarriage, when the grief seems unbearable and all seems gone…
- 1 Samuel 1:27-28
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.
- Job 11:13-19
Yet if you devote your heart to Him and stretch out your hands to Him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then, free of fault, you will lift up your face; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor.
- Jeremiah 29:11-12
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
- Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
- Exodus 23:25-26
Worship the Lord your God, and His blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.
- Judges 13:2-3, 24
A certain man of Zorah, named Manoah, from the clan of the Danites, had a wife who was childless, unable to give birth. The angel of the Lord appeared to her and said, “You are barren and childless, but you are going to become pregnant and give birth to a son. … The woman gave birth to a boy and named him Samson. He grew and the Lord blessed him.
- Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
- Genesis 8:11-14
Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”
- Luke 1:7, 13-15
But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old. But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even before he is born.
- Psalm 37:4
Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
- John 16:22-24
So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask Me anything. Very truly I tell you, My Father will give you whatever you ask in My name. Until now you have not asked for anything in My name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
- Psalm 119:49-50
Remember your word to your servant, for You have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
- Hebrews 10:35-36
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.
- Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
- 2 Thessalonians 1:11
With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of His calling, and that by His power He may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith.
Thank you Jennifer for your blog post, you can also find more from Jennifer at The Newlywed Chronicles.com